Being the Black Swan: It Isn’t All That Bad

I’ve struggled to gain my whole confidence back after my rough past dealing with the hurt. Don’t get me wrong, I still battle with my insecurities from time to time but to pinpoint out every imperfections you have, every blemish on your skin won’t make it go away. In this sick, cruel world where looks have become more than just an appearance, a personal identity, it has become a necessity to get around — the more beautiful you are, the more attention you get.

Coming from a girl who’s struggled with this, leave all of that negative perspective out the door. You’re beautiful in your own way. And I know you’ve been told this millions of times but it is the truth you constantly ignore. And you may hate how you look but trust me those exaggerated features on your face and on your body are worth more than hundreds of dollars you’d spend for beauty products. It’s what makes you simply you. The beautiful person who you’ve always wanted to be with you has been with you all along.

It’s no secret that I’ve battled with acne and I was constantly teased by it during my earlier adolescent years. Nevertheless, I was a lot closer to my mom’s side of the family and they had what I like to call the better genes in the family. As a Filipino, our mindset is that the lighter your skin tone is, the better you look. Well, every time I had family activities with them I was always the different one. My girl cousins had the beautiful silky brown hair with touches of gold strands, skin tone white as milk and undeniably beautiful freckles on their faces as if it were the finishing touch of a painter creating his masterpiece. And then there was me…that skinny girl with big hips, thick hair that can be as lifeless and dull, tan complected and with terrible blemishes. Put me next to them, I looked like I did not belong. The only thing I had in common is my brown hair.

I complained. I lived in the shadows of my own cousins, wanting to be just like them. I felt like I was the black swan of the bunch. After a couple of years later, I realized that I wasn’t helping myself. These insecurities of wishing to be somebody else isn’t going to change anything. I will still wake up every morning as myself and nobody else. I realized that it’s okay and I remember staring into the mirror long and hard analyzing every feature I have, realizing that I am beautiful. Not strikingly beauty pageant queen or the girl you’d see on a spread of a magazine. I won’t ever make it as a swimsuit model. And the kind of girl who not a lot of guys would notice and consider as hot. but I am beautiful.

And no longer was I that girl who wore baggy clothes to hide my curves or combed my hair to my face to hide my blemishes. I finally take pride of my very own skin color. I did not settle for that “Filipino perspective on beauty”. Not anymore. And people have approached me or have told me that they love my skin color. That I am very proud of.

The color of your skin emphasizes your exotic heritage, your very own culture. The shape of your body whether big, small, tall, petite, proportionate or not is the true essence of being “sexy”. No, I can never be a Grace Kelly but at least I am me.

I am not teaching you to be vain or conceited. I never want you to be someone who loves their own self too much you forget to love others. But in order for people to give you the attention you deserve, you must take pride of yourself first. Above all, get the attention for all the right reasons and not because you’re a pretty face.

To feel beautiful, sometimes you’d have to be the black swan to spread your own wings.